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Trying to start a conversation with "how are you" to a stranger is counterintuitive, amirite?
by Traditional-Rock1 week ago
From now on I'll say "Hi! Whats your opinion on DIY abortion with a coat rack?" Definitely a better icebreaker imo
by xwilderman1 week ago
"Well, funny you should ask, because actually..." And that's how nightmares are born.
by Anonymous1 week ago
Or worse still "actually a knitting needle or a chopstick can do wonders.."
by Anonymous1 week ago
"I prefer the stairs method personally"
by ecremin1 week ago
And that's called plausible deniability
by ecremin1 week ago
"because actually..." (takes out phone to show pictures)
by Anonymous1 week ago
Or AREN'T born
by Hopeful-Pin1 week ago
Or Romance :)
by Anonymous1 week ago
More like how nightmares aren't born. 😂
by Lednerludie1 week ago
Some would say that's how nightmares are prevented!
by Sensitive-Yam-5101 week ago
Works every time.
by Anonymous1 week ago
Is this a typo or a cultural translation issue? Coat HANGER would be the bit of wire associated with aforesaid act. Coat RACK is like, the whole damn wooden bar or stand you put all the coats on?
by Anonymous1 week ago
To be completely honest, I used google translate cuz I forgot what it was in English fsrðŸ˜
by xwilderman1 week ago
See, that's when you get to say the "well, actually" bit and boom! conversation
by Anonymous1 week ago
Oh yeah! Mission accomplished OP!
by Anonymous1 week ago
You can't knock it if you've never tried it!
by Smart-Ad1 week ago
"Great, I'm giving myself one now."
by Anonymous1 week ago
Wtf binding of isaac reference?!?!?!
by reillymarian1 week ago
It's not meant to fish for information, it's meant to be an icebreaker to start a conversation. You can usually tell if a person is willing to talk based on how they respond to the "Hello, how are you?" question entirely on the tone of voice they use. The purpose of an Icebreaker is to get your foot in the door, not get closer to the person.
by hudsonmac1 week ago
It is a conversation opener. You usually say "hello, how are you doing?" It is not to gain information about a total stranger - it's more of an ice breaker.
by Anonymous1 week ago
that's the point op is making it's a terrible ice breaker
by Glad_Finger1 week ago
Exactly, this isn't an issue of the question being a bad icebreaker it an issue of the people you are using it on being dry asf, I also assume op is dry asf since they think everyone just says "I'm Good" to that question
by Anonymous1 week ago
I don't know where OP is from, but if you ask 90% of Brits "How are you?" even to take it as far as "How are you feeling?" the answers you receive are either A. "Not too bad." (This guy is literally about to die from a severe hemorrhage) B. "Not too bad, you?" (This person's mum is in hospital with a severe brain injury) C. "Well actually, my sister's cousin is dying of leukemia & her cat is stuck in the neighbour's tree & he's threatening to kill it if we don't sort it out" (Person is fabricating part of it, for sure) But A. or A1 "Alright" the classic variation, is what you'll get most of the time, it is culturally acceptable & the norm. Lots of people think this is bad, but I for one love it.
by Bolson1 week ago
I think it may be kinda the norm, but mainly when making small talk in person, if I'm asking someone how they are doing I want to know how they are actually feeling I ask because I am genuinely concerned with their well-being not just to make small talk
by Anonymous1 week ago
which is fine with acquaintances, but with strangers online, it's a total nonstarter.
by Glad_Finger1 week ago
I disagree, but go off.
by Anonymous1 week ago
and, speaking of pointless words.. i mean obviously lol.
by Glad_Finger1 week ago
So what is your conversation starter for when you meet some stranger somewhere?
by Anonymous1 week ago
"hi i'm josy what's your name?" i don't think asking how they are is typical
by Glad_Finger1 week ago
So they say their name and then what? Hi Josey I am Charles. Crickets. You asked a close ended question, at "how are you today" gives an option to have a more in depth conversation - it is an open ended question.
by Anonymous1 week ago
there are lots of open ended questions you could ask, and i think that's one is boring and usually ends in "good how are you?" i just usually skip that part lol the conversation doesn't just end. do you have such a bland imagination?
by Glad_Finger1 week ago
people who are uninterested are still going to make it a bland conversation, just like "how's it going?"
by Moist-Government1 week ago
Boring icebreaker tbh you already know my name online
by EmptyKaleidoscope1 week ago
well yeah online you can be more direct sure. but i'm still not usually asking randos about their day lol
by Glad_Finger1 week ago
Nah you just lazy and condescending, I've met people who think like you online many times and they're generally not great conversationalists, expect you to carry the chat basically, never asking someone how they are is just lame imo....
by Anonymous1 week ago
jfc can't even have a different opinion without having my whole identity attacked? what crawled up your ass? now i have no social skills because i don't ask strangers how they are? lol
by Glad_Finger1 week ago
i'm not even trying to be rude or edgy. this discourse has me second guessing if i'm just totally aloof in my interactions 🥲
by Glad_Finger1 week ago
Only if you're incapable of not taking everything literally.
by Anonymous1 week ago
Except OP is complaining that "good" is the only acceptable answer. You can answer pretty much anything, so long as it's short and self-contained. "Great", "not so good", "had a weird day", "alright I guess", "pretty bad honestly" and more are all fine answers.
by Stephon151 week ago
Well he's wrong about that. Icebreakers need to be non offensive, uncomplicated conversation starters causing the person to focus their attention on you. The rest is up to the conversation starter. Sometimes even "how are you" is a decent test. A crazy or socially inept person will actually answer how they're feeling in verbose detail. An easy way to know to avoid someone. It's boring but it has inherent value.
by EmptyKaleidoscope1 week ago
conversation closer for me.
by Anonymous1 week ago
you're welcome
by Anonymous1 week ago
What a liar you are. You said it is a conversation closer for you but look at you keeping the conversation going!
by Anonymous1 week ago
well you added stuff after it
by Anonymous1 week ago
If the other person responds with just "good" then I feel like it's more on them than the asker. There are so many times where I've simply asked "how are you" and got something along the lines of "great! Rested well and am ready to take on the day!" And then the convo just continues to progress. If they simply say "good" then that tells me the person isn't really interested in engaging regardless, and other ice breakers likely wouldn't have yielded much better results anyways. It's not just on the asker to put forth effort.
by Kkulas1 week ago
just ask this question to a hungarian. the answer will be: "oh, don't ask! imagine..." and here comes an endless list of negative/problematic things!
by Anonymous1 week ago
I dont say "Im good." I have always replied "Peachy keen jelly bean, and you?". Generally this starts a conversation because people want to discuss where this came from or why I say it or how long Ive said it etc lol
by Devancummerata1 week ago
I absolutely love this. Has big "Y'all Going To Chillis?" energy.
by Anonymous1 week ago
Chillis baby back ribs is now stuck in my head... Anecdotally I have never been to Chillis.
by Devancummerata1 week ago
Or you're sending up a flag that you're a little too weird so they know to turn away
by EmptyKaleidoscope1 week ago
OP discovers not being American. Perhaps OP should move to Germany or something where you expect an actual answer in response to "how are you" instead of a pleasantry. Or perhaps OP will go full Gandalf "What do you mean, Good Morning?"
by Anonymous1 week ago
"Living the dream" in a very monotone way
by Anonymous1 week ago
Lol you sound like you don't talk to people in real life 🤣 Asking "How are you?" is a great way to gauge their openness for a conversation. If they respond "good how are you?" You can go more open-ended. If they just respond with "good" and shift their attention right back to what they were doing, leave them alone. This isn't counterintuitive.
by Anonymous1 week ago
This is some groundbreaking stuff.
by Anonymous1 week ago
I like people who start conversations with random light observations and a question Other people also seem to so long as the question is light enough It always puts me off when someone I know nothing about starts off with a question about me, but when they offer something about themselves first, its disarming
by Anonymous1 week ago
I agree it makes no sense and most of the time people just say that an walk off
by Anonymous1 week ago
Usually try to give an honest answer and one or two reasons for it.
by Anonymous1 week ago
Not every conversation is about forming a bond. I'd argue a lot of daily communication isn't. If you're trying to form a bond, then yes, simply asking how someone is won't take you very far. I'd assume that was obvious and not an unpopular opinion.
by Anonymous1 week ago
I use that question as an opener. To see what their reaction is. Then lead or not lead into a conversation.
by Anonymous1 week ago
I usually ask "how is your day going?" And then way they can say something relevant back
by Anonymous1 week ago
" how are you?" -> " I am good, [insert event that recently happened that is interesting enough to talk about].
by Anonymous1 week ago
It's like in Star Trek when the Vulcans say live long and prosper. It's a cultural greeting It's a more polite hello. This is an unpopular opinion because it's based on a false understanding.
by Anonymous1 week ago
(Not being mean) do you have autism by any chance? The reason is to get an idea of how another person is feeling for example in a judges society if a person is feeling bad they will say they are and you can gage based off that but IRL the person will probably say good regardless and it's up to you to interpret through tonality. TLDR: it's a way to gage the interaction before hand
by Anonymous1 week ago
I haven't been diagnosed but my friends and family have their suspicions. I feel whenever that question is the first thing that's asked of me, I feel that "I'm good" is the only answer that's natural, but then the conversation seems to end without follow up. I believe it would be much more effective to start a conversation with any other questions that don't have already expected answers, so that conversation can flow easier.
by Traditional-Rock1 week ago
This is how people who have no charm talk… "how about the weather"
by rosina861 week ago
I always just say hello and skip the how's it going part if I don't care but people ALWAYS say, hi, how's it going in return. I will say I'm good/fine or some such but usually don't ask in return because it is dumb as you said. My friends have called me out on this on occasion, but it is so shallow, I really don't see the point.
by Adventurous_Kale51631 week ago
I think it's more so to show them that you're interested in how they feel and just their well being in general even if it is the same answer
by chayacrona1 week ago
I think you're using that word wrong. Folding blankets is hypersensitive. ya know?
by Anonymous1 week ago
Well since I'm at uni, the type of people I meet are students where I can ask what degree they're studying, why they wanted that degree, and why they came to this university. If it was someone out with uni that I met, I'd ask them stuff about their job and what motivates them.
by Traditional-Rock1 week ago
Okay, sound if you're in uni.... But if you go around asking people what their degree is that's a far more annoying question (to me...as a human person in working and living society as opposed to a student)
by Anonymous1 week ago
Don't know how to hold a conversation, or don't want to converse?
by Own-Organization1 week ago
Well, that is whole the purpose of just saying "how are you" - It is so you can avoid having a conversation with that person, and continue your day.
by Anonymous1 week ago
If they want to talk, they answer something like, "I'm fine, how are you?". If they don't want to talk, you get the "I'm good," and that's ok. Not everyone is looking to form a bond to someone they're speaking to... I feel like OPs expectation of wanting to form a bond is counterintuitive and a little weird LOL
by Anonymous1 week ago
Why? Maybe they like the person they are talking to?
by Anonymous1 week ago
Better to ask what their opinion of the Battle of Gettysburg is.
by dpurdy1 week ago
I dont mind "How are you?" but after saying "Im good" come with actual conversation opener. Dont expect me to carry the conversation you started.
by Valerielockman1 week ago
Well, this is based off what the person responds with really. "I'm good, and how are you?" for example is a response to that question. Or "I'm feeling great, just booked a holiday" or similar to this. It's just an icebreaker. If you respond with just "I'm good" .. it is going to kill the conversation.
by Anonymous1 week ago
You mean counterproductive
by Anonymous1 week ago
You have to knock on a door before you come in, asking how are you is a great way to gage if the person is open to talking, if they are crazy, if they are mentally stable, it's a way to learn how to proceed. You're then supposed to ask follow up questions or mention something else
by Anonymous1 week ago
"How are you?" is an excellent starter. Its a great way to gauge a strangers interest in even having a conversation. You can observe their verbal response, body language, tone of voice, facial expression, etc. It give you tons of information on how to proceed with the conversation. If you're just referring to text conversation, the "I'm good" response is more a fault of the responser not putting in effort to converse. Generally the awkward feeling a person gets on a conversation is a lack of self confidence.
by Ashlynnhagenes1 week ago
If someone responds with a short answer "I'm good" without giving people anything else to work with, that person just may not be a good conversationalist or is not interested
by lharvey1 week ago
Even you would reply that to a stranger op. But now you're more inclined to answer something else. And voila, the two strangers are now talking, objective complete
by Anonymous1 week ago
This is a very english language specific problem I feel. Not sure about many other languages but in Hungary if you ask someone you generally get a longer answer describing whats happening with them.
by Anonymous1 week ago
I tend not to answer such questions because I do not wish to lie and say "I'm good". I want to say my exact feelings. I have this compulsion where I can not tell a lie. Unless my life or something was in danger. So I tend to ignore those questions I don't want to answer truthfully.
by Mckenna571 week ago
It's just something extra to tack onto rather than saying "hi" and nothing else. I don't consider it an ice breaker unless it's someone I actually know. In which case, I DO want to know how they are and I want them to feel free to choose the direction they want to go. Maybe I know my friend's sister is in an awful relationship but perhaps he doesn't want to talk about it in public because it's upsetting, so rather than ask directly, I can ask how he is, mean it, and let him choose how he wants to take it.
by Electronic_Mix_9451 week ago
I mean, it gives you a base level of conversation to start with. Has this person had a good day or a bad day? It's also polite, especially talking to hospitality workers who don't get seen as human beings very often. If a stranger starts launching into heavy questions instead of first asking how I am I'm definitely less likely to want to continue a conversation with them...
by Anonymous1 week ago
It helps gauge the mood from the start of the conversation instead of having to identify it yourself. If they say "omg it's going super great!" or "it could be a LOT better" then you have a good way of knowing: a) whether it's worth conversing further b) with what tone you should move the conversation forward with
by Anonymous1 week ago
The entire Hispanic population is offended.
by Anonymous1 week ago
Bruh conversation isn't just black and white there has to be fluidity to it, like I wouldn't just say I'm good and leave it at that. If I saw someone was trying to talk to me and have genuine convo I'd reciprocate energy
by Anonymous1 week ago
It's called small talk for a reason. The intention is not necessarily to say anything meaningful.
by Anonymous1 week ago
this is like not saying goodbye because youre an atheist
by Anonymous1 week ago
Haha that's brilliant
by Anonymous1 week ago
And then they think you're the boring one because you replied ‘good'. First of all, I'm not going to open up about the details of my day to a random person. I need to feel more comfortable with you to let it out. Second, you've got a lot of nerve asking me boring questions then expecting me to put in the effort to make the conversation interesting. Want interesting replies? Ask better questions.
by Anonymous1 week ago
It's not supposed to be a monologue. The classic formulation is, "How do you do?" "Fine! How are you?" ...although that's what they teach children, and you can feel free to play with it. If the response is just "Good", someone isn't interested in conversation.
by Imaginary-Acadia82771 week ago
It's an icebreaker. Otherwise the conversation goes hello I want x
by Anonymous1 week ago
hit em with the "hi, what's goin on?"
by Terrible-Diamond1 week ago
While I mostly answer this greeting genuinely for conversation, I also answer it genuinely out of spite. I too don't understand why this has turned into "good and you?" exchanges.
by Zkreiger1 week ago
there's a certain ritual to conversation that can seem like pointless smalltalk but I think it's an important part as it starts a back and forth without any real effort, giving one the time to asses the situation, walm up to it and tune in to the accent and speech patterns on the other person. it's essentially a human version of computers doing a handshake before exchanging actual data
by Strong_Preference_171 week ago
a set answer other than "I'm good". The question "how are you?" Does not have a set answer. You're supposed to engage in conversation when someone asks you this question, and talk about how your life is going at the moment. If you're too incompetent to realise that, you probably shouldn't be going out and socialising at all.
by SprinklesUnlikely1 week ago
As someone who talks to people on the phone at work a lot, I usually ask "how are you today?". I do this for a couple of reasons one of them being it seems polite. It's pretty much the only small talk I give before getting to the point. The second reason, on the rare chance someone is honest or their tone is off, it lets me know how to gauge the rest of the conversation.
by Anonymous1 week ago
These things provide an opportunity to your interlocutor to politely decline fiether talk. If they want to talk they can always give an elaborate answer. If people have been saying good and just leaving the conversation, it's cause they don't want to talk to you
by Anonymous1 week ago
This seems to me like it depends on culture, but yes, if you're from a culture where this is the case, the question in itself seems ineffective. But for as far as I understand, the point is for the other to expand on their life and what's going on, if they're into having a conversation. It's a neutral opener, not a real, direct question.
by Anonymous1 week ago
I mean the answer is "I'm good" if you don't actually want to answer the question. Next time someone asks me I'm going into full detail about the recent goings on in my life. Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to!
by Due_List1 week ago
100% agree, dumbest form of short communication, even with people you sort of know
by Anonymous1 week ago
"How are you?" is just a greeting. It's the same as starting a conversation with "hello," or "what's up?" or "how's it hanging?" or any of the other colloquial greetings. After you greet someone you can start asking questions or getting to know them.
by Annual_Anxiety67591 week ago
That's why you always start with "Who are you?"
by Herzogalysa1 week ago
I totally agree with this. It just sounds like a very intrusive question when we haven't even talked before. I would instead like to know what made you want to approach me or if there is anything else interesting. Straight up asking how I am is weird to me. Introduce urself, ask my name, anything but how I am and where I live and what I'm doing
by Ok_Lingonberry_51561 week ago
I think that's the point.
by Anonymous1 week ago
The best answer to "how are you?" If you don't want to talk is "why do you ask? Are you a doctor?"
by Anonymous1 week ago
How's it going is better
by Significant-Bar1 week ago
It's usually used as an ice breaker so you can gauge how interested in talking to you the other person is.
by Anonymous1 week ago
Instead of how are you, ask who are you?
by Anonymous1 week ago
I love when they say it at the doctor's office. It feels like a test. 😂
by Anonymous1 week ago
"how are you" "well, I'm in the ER you tell me."
by Anonymous1 week ago
It's called being polite. Honestly I don't want anyone coming up to me talking without saying what's good beforehand, especially if I don't know you. Why say thank you after someone gives you something? Does it truly matter after they've already given it to you? No...it doesn't, but it's nice to say thank you just like it's nice to ask someone how they doing. Living in a world where you see people commit suicide only to write notes about how no one ever asked them how they are is a reason enough to just do it even if you get the basic response 99.9% of the times. That 0.01% can change someone's day whether on a large or small scale.
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